Wasting the last shot straight to the heart and still~ can’t really decide what kind of person I am? Good or bad? Or maybe falling somewhere in between. Dragging my human body with a huge hole on the upper left corner of it, I can really hear the wind whining through that instead of the normal beat, you know. Well, maybe I didn’t shot myself right where my heart lives—cuz it already fell off or I’ve accidently frozen it all the way up to the top the other day. Just so, and so, the pain of missing someone you love would leave. Fine, that’s enough drama for the day. Just another pitch of missing my family, I ran over and over every single time I write.
I miss them.
Try not to think of, talk about or even dream of them as much as possible, cuz a bag of tears won’t get you over another day. It just weakens you more. Or maybe I’m already weak so my pretending game went off so well? In any case, here I am, a little weak creature can’t handle the shock from 4 years back, can’t even stay in this world alone even tho how hard the try was. Here I am, a loser at heart.
Speaking about heart, if you own a frozen one you wouldn’t feel the pain, is that right? If yes, why I’m aching inside. Lies all lies.
The absolute truth that I fear~ of having so many people besides right now, of spreading some loves around. In the very next few years when I leave them, if I actually do, this whole pain program will run over my system again. If I stay weak, I might not be able to handle it. Don’t wanna die with an exploded heart tho, no matter how weak I am.
Selfish, I know.
Frozen yogurt is so pretty. With all the colorful decorative stuff around it, how can it stays frozen still? My frozen heart is a little weak. Whenever attaching to pretty humans around, it starts to melt. I can’t force my like channel to shut and my love channel to be gone. For real that a 24 year living thing, My, is weaker than a cup of frozen yogurt? If yes then this life is just a little unfair.
I really need humans to stop being nice to me so I can’t find a way to love them anymore, please :c Missing one big family is enough.
Daddy, I wanna see your face today just so you can tell me what to do /*hug